“Don’t you know that only fools are satisfied?” –Billy Joel-

 

 Last night was ridiculous- it consisted of ball-buster boots, my awesome Little, Asshole President, pomegranate juice, a shopping cart, an old enemy, snowball fights, breakfast at 5:30 a.m., hair gel, an abandoned Court Street and lots & lots of Keystone. Sadly, I only took a handful of pics. Even sadder, I had a headache the size of Africa when I woke up (at 3:30 this afternoon) which I've since realized is from being hit in the noggin with a snowball & some kid's head during an ice fall.

 

 I downloaded mass quantities of musica nueva… Rilo Kiley, Tegan & Sara, Head Automatica, Sondre Lerche, Cut Copy… the Mae CD I broke… and some Dave Attell comedy- that guy is hilarious. I laughed for five minutes at his eggnog bit.

 A wise girl once told me that growing up means choosing between what you want to do & what you need to do. And even though I desperately wished that I was reliving my M’s days yesterday, I’m also excited about some things that went down at COA--- I have a new outlook on the upcoming year within the sorority… and that’s a good thing.

<<<... >>>

 

 I won an eBay purse made out of Capri Sun pouches… except I forgot that I also bid on another purse, too, & probably I’ll win it, too, & it’s not as cool… Bahhhh, & it costs money.,. oh well, the cool one will be worth it, right?

 GlossAndSauce: today we discussed whether or not you and ryan hook up after everyone leaves and just dont tell anyone
     mad42381: don't you think i'd be much happier if i was getting laid every Wednesday?

 

 Premium from my old site.... transferred to this one! Yesssssssss.

 

sometimes

i pray i don't die

i'm a goddamn hypocrite

“Then there’s you, you’re a mess to be made.” –The Format-

 

 I hate when there are people walking, like, three-deep on the sidewalk & they keep on truckin’ like they expect you to move over. Yesterday I decided not to move over & just kind of barreled through this girl, who was like, “Excuuuuse me?” and I just said, “Excuse me,” and kept going. Whew. Felt good.

 

 GlossAndSauce: whats the word for when youre training to be one of the guys who cant marry? 
      GlossAndSauce: you know, a priest or a pastor or whatever?

      Cactus Man Dude: why are you gonna date one?????

      GlossAndSauce: nooo no dating anyone!!!

      GlossAndSauce: Well except Adam'

      Cactus Man Dude: sure kate sure...just steal the men from jesus...just go head LOL

 

 Last night I got in a chocolate fight with various friends & lemme tell ya, when Ryan flicks a confectionary heart, it burrrrrns. That kid was a ninja in his last life. Also, we watched a TV show finally liked for once & also I have pictures of this fabulous funness, which I shall post… now.

 

(((Craziness w/ Ryan…

Arguing w/ Tom…

Cookies w/ Erik...)))

 

 The Cuyahoga Classic is this weekend & I wish so baddddd that I was going home for it. I miss my alma mater, man. Plus, who can pass up jazz hands & all the key moves? Sometimes I think back on my M’s days (crew def. included) & all I can come up with is how blessed I am to have gone through all of that- the memories & the friendships were worth all of the personal Wilkins-inflicted pain. My M’s friends are my best friends- I love you guys SO SO SO SO much.  

 

 Watching the third season of Dawson’s Creek. Ex-oh ex-ohhhh baby. A sober night is a super night when Capeside’s involved.

//////

“Everything will be okay- it will work out one way.” –Azure Ray-

 

 Can someone tell me why half of Court Street smelled like chlorine today? Yeah, because it reeked of the old Nat & it was grossss.

 

 I’m watching the end of Ever After & I’ve already almost-cried like 3 times because (A) I love Drew Barrymore & (B) I love fairytales & (C) I love crying, I think, because apparently I’m a damn sadist. All of the above, please.

<<<>>>

 

 The concert last week was freakin’ phenomenal if you don’t count the part where Norah Jones on crack sang & accompanied herself with children’s toys. Bright Eyes was amazing & I shall continue to use their song lyrics frequently, on & on until I find someone else to adore.

 

 Know what’s awesome? When you’re drunk & having a hard time typing properly… & then someone comes along who makes you feel entirely sober. Even better when she’s your supervisor!

mad42381: i'm really drnuk

mad42381: i'm practically laying down

mad42381: gravity sucks

...(after I neglect to respond due to intoxication slowness)...

mad42381: did it get you too

mad42381: that damn gravuty

mad42381: whered you go

(((+))) 

 

 I hate that commercial that goes, “Gotta cold? Wanna lick it?” Come on, I understand the phraseology but really, it sounds so dumb in this usage. No, I don’t want to lick my cold. Licking takes in germs which I clearly already have, since I’m sick to begin with, you dipshit. What product is that for anyway? See? It’s not even effective advertising.

 

 Movie over. On to Win A Date With Tad Hamilton, starring the beautiful Topher. We’re on a first name basis, me & the Tophster.

{{{}}}

“What seems simple in the moonlight in the morning never is.” –Bright Eyes-

 

 I’ve been a lazyass today & I keep watching movies with Britons in them, like Ever After and What a Girl Wants. Chick flicks with bad acting & British accents & father troubles.

<<<>>>

 

  static4337: well damnit i like u being my big! if i had some girly girl that likes frilly shit and made me a paddle with excess geese feathers i might have to shoot myself

 

 Athens is on a Level 3 Snow Emergency, which I have a few problems with. Were they to call this a “Level 3 Ice Emergency” or a “Level 3 Frigid-Cold Emergency,” I wouldn’t be upset, since we have plenty of ice & frigidity… however, we currently have almost no snow, making this title a ridiculously absurd one.

((()))

 

 …On the upside, if it keeps up, we won’t have school on Monday, which would be positively amazing.

 

  wASH BURNbttwo: kids these days are like i'll just google that shit for my research project and i'm like HEY go to the library like i did, u pansy 4th grader

 

 Adam always thought that the phrase “play it by ear” was really “play it by year” and when he saw the word “gentiles” he misread it as “genitals.” Also, he pronounced “Protestant” as “protest-ant, “ like a form of the word “protest,” & I laughed heartily because my journalistic sense of humor loved it all.

 \......///

This foxhole…

I’m in, are you?

I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m MAD!!!

 

 

 I’m mad at you for being perfect, for wanting all of my time. I’m mad at you for trusting me infinitely & for knowing me too well.

I’m mad at myself for not being perfect, for wanting to spend time with anyone else, for not trusting myself nearly as much & for not knowing myself nearly as well.

<<<Do you know who you are?>>>

 

 I’m mad at you for saying you would call & not calling. For putting an away message up after I IMed you. I’m mad at you for not having a guilty conscience. I’m mad at you for confusing me & for talking about the things I don’t want to hear about but really do.

I’m mad at myself for waiting on your call, for IMing you again, for having too much conscience, for letting myself get confused, for being jealous when I have no right.

<<<Do you know who you are?>>>

 

 I’m mad at you for leaving me behind & never thinking twice. For forgetting a year & a half of friendship that was supposed to be a lifetime of it, & for in one night pretending like nothing ever changed. I’m mad at you for never seeing me cry & for never wanting to apologize.

I’m mad at myself for staying behind, for thinking too much, for remembering too much & expecting too much, for letting it feel like it used to be, for crying in the first place, for wanting to say sorry.

<<<Do you know who you are?>>>

 

 I’m mad at you for not being the redemption you were supposed to be, for not saving me when I thought you could. I’m mad at you for making me feel welcome & then shutting me out, for not asking me to go out with you, for not letting me into the circle of friends you already have.

I’m mad at myself for needing redeemed, & wanting saved, for savoring the welcome, for closing myself off, for ever wanting another circle of friends ever again after what’s already happened.

<<<Do you know who you are?>>>

 

 

I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m mad I’m MAD!!!

 

 

(((   I’m sick of being mad.

I want to cry.

Hard.   )))

“Death will bring us back to God just like the setting sun is returned to the ocean.” –Bright Eyes-

 

 Did anyone see it coming? Did he even see it coming? Did he plan it, or did it just come to him when he woke up in the morning? And did it feel right, like a peaceful ending, or was it an angry, lonely one? Did he try to change his mind when it was already too late?

 

 And now… what about the rest of them? About Mark & Mary, and their mom, and dad. What about their other brothers & sisters, and of the ones who love them so much, like Sam & Audra… what do they do now? And what about the driver, who must have seen him, must have tried to stop the monster that did it all?

 

 Is  there is so much guilt in losing someone by their own free will. And f I feel it from such a faraway spot in their lives, then what of the rest of them? How must they feel?

 

 May angels lead him in... Rest in peace, Erik.

“Dreaming of what could be & if I’ll end up happy…” –Kelly Clarkson-

 

 This weekend was a stellar one, as expected! It involved “Toxic” instrumentals, gratuitous use of the zoom feature, imagining iff, an encounter with Rufus & Phil Wilkins, a slobbery retriever, our imaginary friend Andrea, sleeping on the couch & much, much more.

<<<>>>

 

 We went to see “In Good Company” last night- a romantic comedy which was neither particularly romantic nor comedic. Topher Grace was it’s only main redemption… and by that, I mean that he’s hot.

 

 The Social Theory concert was interesting, to say the least. A real flashback- Kevin Bowers will always sound exactly like Kevin Bowers, which is not necessarily a bad thing. If you’ve never heard him before, you should check this out. Come on, support my sophomore-year boyfriend & the guy whom I have come to believe must be his life partner.

((()))

 

 While you’re at it, &  while I’m at shameless plugs for former friends, you should also go here to listen to my high school pal, the fame-bound Chad Tisch, sing some amazingly emotion-ridden vocals for his band, Fate Falling Through. Even in his new punk-emo-whateverthehellheis stage, Chad’s just the kind of person that everyone likes, that… well, that you want to be. Or at least know. And he’s changed a lot from his MJ days…

 

 Has anyone ever noticed that the Football Hall of Fame looks like an enormous orange juice squeezer? I’ll leave you to ponder that.

??????

 

<<<Happy Birthday, Pete Haubert!>>>

“So how do I do normal?... Can’t you tell? I’m not myself.” –Frou Frou-

  Somehow I have newsprint all over my face, in huge hobo-like smudges. Wtf, mate? I totally look like a newsie.

 

 I SIGNED MY EFFING LEASE! How pumped am I? When I left & the realtor said, “4A’s all yours!” I pretty much hopped, skipped & smiled back to my car.

<<<>>>

 

 This band called Cocorosie is opening for Bright Eyes on the 19^th & I downloaded some of their stuff… yowza. Insanely weird, like slave hymns, bluegrass and, well, Conor Oberst all put together. Or maybe Norah Jones as an octogenarian.

 

 I was going to give blood yesterday so that I’d have an excuse not to drink last night but I freaked out & had to leave the donation center… and then I drank anyway.

{{{Oops! }}}

 

 Ever have one of those days where everything you see is something weird? Seriously, it takes all kinds. All the crazies were out on campus today, from the girl wearing a cocktail dress & tennis shoes to the girl wearing track pants, jazz shoes & knitted shawl. And some others in between… my favorite was Meredith’s comment, “What, are we going to a luau?” about the girl wearing a tank top, sunglasses & large pink shell-looking earrings. I wonder if I’m ever the weird girl? One of the campus crazies?

(((AlooooooHA! )))

 

 I love: PB nougats, Testing Zones, dangly earrings & the anticipation of going home. I do not love: Honey Brown, being weak & flooding rains that may prevent me from making the trek home tomorrow at 5:00 p.m.

“I’ll never change, better, worse or the same.” –Kenna-

 

15 Things You May or May Not Know About Moi, Depending on How Close We Are Or How Nosy You Are

1.       I cannot type without looking at the keyboard, or with the right fingers.

2.       Once I caught my hair on fire over a Chanukah menorah.

3.       I have a desperate fear of being absolutely nothing at all when I grow up.

4.       Orange juice with pulp literally makes me want to heave.

5.       Whenever I’m feeling guilty about something, I have a nightmare about deer.

6.       I have kissed my boyfriend’s best friend and my ex-best friend’s ex-boyfriend.

7.       I frequently nod off during movies, even in the theatre.

8.       I feel like I always look prettier at home- at school I’m always ugly.

9.       My black Chuck tailors squeak when I walk.

10.    When I lost the mouth guard that I wear to bed, I bought a hockey guard & used it instead.

11.    I’m obsessed with my dad’s knick-knack drawer because it’s the only thing left that smells like him.

12.    Most of the movies I buy are still VHS even though I have a DVD player.

13.    I have quit 4 jobs- a bakery, a dining hall, a grocery store & a department store.

14.    I know absolutely nothing about the classic rock genre & I don’t really care to.

15.    At school, I don’t sleep under the sheets- I sleep on top of my comforter withtwo other blankets covering me.

 ((()))

 

 I’m terrified of my Journalism class right now. It’s soooo effing hard & my teacher is a total character- she sounds like a muppet & kind of looks like one, too. She has a couple scraggly black hairs protruding from her chin & a thick layer of moustache on her upper lip, but she continues to talk about her glory days working for Cosmo.

<<<>>>

 

 I caved in & I wore my galoshes to Wal-Mart yesterday. I was comforted in knowing that mine were Payless-bought & not J.Crew or something else uppity… but then I thought about that a little more & I just felt poor. And cheap.

 

 Drinking with the Alden crew tonight which may be a bad idea since last time went horrifyingly. Also, because I hate the Family Guy drinking game. Mainly because I hate Family Guy. Also, because last time I went I skipped my Economics class which, according to my D in last quarter, I cannot afford to skip.

{{{}}}

 

 The library smells like vomit. Ew.

“She welcomed desire, reckless luxury- the world soaked up every drop of drama & insecurity.” –Matt Nathanson-

 

 Remember over two years ago when I began K8ybee02 & I was one of the only Xangans around who began each post with song lyrics? Instead of reading them on every single page in existence? Ohhh, I remember now.

 

 There’s a girl in my Psych class who wears, every single day, a baseball cap, sunglasses and a scrunchie. It’s such an odd thing, really, because A) it’s never sunny here outside, B) it’s certainly never sunny here inside and C) a scrunchie? I haven’t seen one of those since 1995. She always looks incognito & early 90’s- it weirds me out.

(((?!?!?! )))

 

 I’m so angry because I’ve wanted rain boots for ohhh a year or so now, and I could never find ones I liked/that fit/were cheap enough, so I just suppressed my galosh desire… and I come back to school after Break to find that rain boots are the new big prepster thing & every bottle-blonde with a North Face jacket & a tote bag is wearing a pair.

<<<>>>

 

 I think I’m gonna sign the lease on 4a Elliott- tell me that’s not a flashback to freshman year? It’s kind of efficiency-style, with the bedroom & the living room as, well, the same room, but who cares? I’ll have space, & privacy, & probably I’ll become a hermit but I’m beyond caring. Better to be a hermit alone than a hermit in a house of 45. Bachelorette pad, here I come!

 

 I’m going home this weekend- delicious Bistro food with Adam’s fam and, I hope, an extension of Winter Break fun with my girls, minus the calloused coccyx. Bottom line is that if you’re gonna be in home sweet C-Falls, gimme a ring… assuming that is, that I can find my cell phone, which is currently MIA.

........