“You’ll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time- what are you hoping for?” –Jimmy Eat World-

 

I think there was some misunderstanding about Adam. He’s not a new boyfriend- he’s just a good one, so I thought I’d show him to you, haha. I’m getting congratulated on landing a boy that I’ve had for four months already!

 

Today I got my “Everyone Loves a Jewish Girl” shirt in the mail & I haven’t tried it on yet but I don’t think it fits. I also received the belated Valentine’s gift I order for a certain someone. I ALSO got a kickass care package from everyone’s favorite crafty nerdball, Miss Ann Marie.

<<<Disclaimer: NOT MY BOOBS!>>>

 

Composite photos were taken today which is a nightmare for me because it means wearing a velvet poncho thingy… we all have to be dressed alike for the pics, for “uniformity” or some shiznit, but I don’t see why cotton can’t be our uniform.

 

Things are changing. Big things, big changes. I can’t tell you what right now- I’m trying to keep things DL & form my own opinions before I get bombarded by everyone else’s but let’s just say that I’m finally living for myself. “And this is what she said gets her through it- if I don’t let myself be happy now then when? If not now, when?” You’ll see- pray for me, if you do that sort of thing.

((( says, ““)))

 

Thank you to Brandon & Sean for pulling me out of a very dark place last night around 4 a.m. I love you both & you know I’d do the same for you…

It’s raining but somehow, I’m optimistic. This horrible, hellish month is over in three short hours & I can’t wait for what March has in store.

 

…

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 * Nights on the town *
 * Eatin’ good *
 * Pure randomness *

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…

“My thoughts belong in a book in a store where they’re silently read but spoken no more.” –Tyler Hilton-

 

Cute boy in the last post is my boyfriend. Yeahhh, buddy! Also, this kid is cool as hell because he has a hilarious laugh & he likes to make fun of people with me & he used to schedule times to mess around with his ex-girlfriend. Haha, and he’s gonna be irate that I divulged that. MAUH, Male-Me.

(((Lookin’ coo……and with a fu!)))

 

I forgot to take my coat home with me this weekend & I for sure regretted it. Mannn, is it cold at home. I went to the cemetery again in just a sweatshirt & I think my tears started to turn into slush on my cheeks or something, it was that cold.

 

High points of this weekend included: laughing at inappropriate silent times during the musical, canoe- & log-shaped purse trends, military midgets who crawl into holes, deducing the gender of a suspiciously eyebrowed person at Eat ‘n’ Park & gracing Applebee’s twice, fearing that my caricature-of-John-Mayer-slash-young-Quentin-Tarantino waiter thought I was stalking him.

<<<//>>>

 

On my journey from home-to-school (& vice versa), there’s a barn that has a sign reading “Carpentry” with a phone number to call if, I assume, you need some carpentry work done. I find this insanely ironic considering the barn is, well, falling apart. It’s not really a good billboard location for advertising stable woodworking services.

 

This week is going to be the closest thing to scholastic hell. I have a thousand Psych experiment hours, three magazine covers to design, two books to read for a five-page paper to write & a make-up exam to take. I can’t wait. I heart stress, you know.

//////

“Your heart will lead you where you belong; remember, your heart will lead you home.” –Kenny Loggins-

 

I’m in the library right now, surrounded my screaming children, gossiping parents & a bunch of roaming dogs. Yes, dogs. It’s some inane program developed by my mother, the Head Children’s Librarian, where these dogs come in & little kids read book to them. It’s cute, when the dogs aren’t near me.

 

Tonight Annie & Joey & I are going to see ‘How To Succeed In Business’ & I can’t waiiiit because I haven’t been to a CF musical since I was in ‘Fiddler’ my senior year. Back in the day- I’m a geezer!

((()))

 

I’m waiting for the day when I can visit the cemetery & not cry, & just be okay… today is not anywhere near that day. Today I went & took a perfect peach rose & just talked & talked & looked like a crazy person. There’s a statue of an angel by their headstone, broken into three pieces & that just kills me. I’m going to buy a new one, I think, if I remember, to replace it with over Spring Break.

 

Speaking of Spring Break on a lighter note, I’M GOING TO NEW YORK CITY!!! Do you know me at all? Because if so, you know that NYC is the only thing I want out of my life- to live there & be a city girl & shop in SoHo & Chinatown & on 5^th Avenue, & go to indie concerts & films & art shows & Broadway musicals. And, at least for a little while, I’m going to indulge in this fantasy by spending four whirlwind days with my mom in the most fabulous city on Planet Earth.

<<<>>>

 

Today Tav came over & dropped off my Avon order which made me absurdly happy because A) I heart Tav & B) I ordered a DIY eye shadow palette that is the coolest ever, hands down, so don’t argue it.

 

Sometimes you just need to sit in Applebee’s with your best friend & eat an entire order & a half of Mi Queso Su Queso & reminisce & make fun of people & laugh hysterically. Sometimes you just need to recharge, & that’s just what it takes, you know?

 

PS- How cute is this boy?

Home for the weekend… yes, again. I’m addicted. Lately I just need it. I almost stayed to go to tonight’s Delt social but gave in & decided to C-Falls it tonight. Exes & ohs, loves- have a great weekend.

“I don’t know what tomorrow brings- it’s alive with such possibilities.” –Bright Eyes-

 

After being accused of updating a billion times a day, I’m feeling insecure about posting so regularly… do you guys think I’m a loser?! I enjoy Xanga immensely but perhaps I should find a new writing outlet…?

 

On this Big/Little Appreciation Day, I extend massive thank-you’s to my awesome Littles, Melissa, who got me a Chester the Cheetah chip clip, among other things, & Megan, who made me a kickass Scrabble-board collage of “us” words. I love my Sig Kap fam & the corndog nuggets at BW3’s & large booths & a giraffe that is accidentally a horse.

<<<>>>

 

I helped a lady named Mumba Mumba tonight. My thoughts on this are as follows:

·         Did this woman originally only have one name & when she came to the US she was too lazy to think of a surname?

·         I wonder if she mumbles. That would be verbal irony.

·         What would it be like to be tribal?

o        I wouldn’t want strange, large piercings

o        Or sacrifices or anything

·         Whatever happened to Samantha Mumba?

((( /  / )))

 

How come children’s books so frequently portray all animals as human-sized? I mean, a bear & a rabbit could be friends, yes, but even so, they would never be the same size as each other, much less as one of us. I think that this is a tricky literary phenomenon that may be deceiving our children in regards to animal dimensions.

??????

 

A classmate recommended to me a poem that he thought might help me deal with Dave’s death. The book came in today & the poem is, well, amazing. As cheesy as it sounds, I’m finding that every day brings a certain amount of healing. For every two steps back there is, at least, one step forward, & for that I thank God & my own resilience.

 

“I close my eyes… nothing changed.” –The Arcade Fire-

 

Part of today’s lunch was corn fritters. Yes, I said fritters. And as down-home as they sound, they were frickin’ amazing. I feel like a hilljack & I love it!

 

Leave it to the fabulous Ann Marie to make me a Valentine’s mix CD that has The Safety Dance on it. The line, “We can dress real neat from out hats to our feet,” baffles me, since the song is sung by Men Without Hats…

<<<>>>

 

In the most glorious news ever, I found my Dave bracelet today, just sitting on my floor, like it fell out of the sky. Like I haven’t been scavenging my room for it for days… it was just chillin’ there, and now it’s just chillin’ on my wrist & honestly, I could cry from relief at having it back.

 

E.W. Scripps is such a bastard, a.k.a. I am on the verge of nervous breakdown regarding my Journalism class. I had a PhotoShop/InDesign tutorial with my professor today & it went god-awfully & I nearly cried… I have a layout due tomorrow & I think it’s utter bullshit because hey, I want to write, not design, which is why I’m a Journalism major & not a Graphic Design major, right? Effing RIGHT.

 ((( I Googled “e.w. scripps” & a pic of my professor showed up… nutty! )))

 

I had a long conversation with my lovah last night that mainly involved gossiping about people we dislike & discussing the mysteries surrounding certain aspects of our friends’ personalities. It was most excellent and middle-school-esque.

 

The Arcade Fire- yes or no? I can’t decide… the jury is still out, yo.

 

The jury is also still out on my hair. Why I thought I was capable of applying fuchsia streaks on my own remains beyond me, but I guess they could be a whole lot worse.

“Everywhere you go perfection follows you the wrong direction.” –Tyler Hilton-

 

Today I ate two kiwis. Good fruits, kiwis are. I wonder why they named the bird & the fruit the same thing? And also if kiwis-the-birds enjoy eating kiwis-the-fruits…

((()))

 

I totally just gave myself fuchsia streaks. They dye is setting right now… God only know what the eff I’m going to look like, but I’m kinda wigging. They’re going to look like shit… gahhhhh, why did I do that?!

 

There’s a statue thingy outside Kantner Hall that somewhat resembles a large, wiry, metal lollipop. A very sharp lollipop. Like, maybe a lollipop from Jack the Pumpkin King. It’s all rusty & poke-y looking & stuff… I don’t like it one single bit & I wonder who thought it was pretty enough to be put there for all to see, or if the person who put it there is the sort of person who puts needles in candy & dispenses it to small children…
<<<>>>

  

I was planning on going home in two weekends to see the musical & my favorite faux little brother (among other people) but now it doesn’t look like that’s going to be possible, as I have a Sigma Kappa engagement that had slipped my mind… I’m positively irate, as this is the last year I’ll know any of the cast.

 

I’ve been saving a bunch of random funny things which people have said in past IM conversations that I continue to forget to post. I shall dispense these comedic tidbits in the following entries, starting with this one:

goldielocks384: i wish you were here.

GlossAndSauce: …me too

goldielocks384: i looked cute tonight.

goldielocks384: that’s not why i wish you were here.

GlossAndSauce: Hahahaha

goldielocks384: totally unrelated in fact.

……

 

 Update: THE HAIR SUCKS!!!

 

“This is the first day of my life.” –Bright Eyes-

 

The other day I fell on what I’m sure is the only patch of black ice in existence for miles. There’s no ice anywhere, yet somehow I fell on some. Flat on my back, into the mud, Three Stooges-style… man, did it hurt.

 

The Geico commercial about the reality TV show “Tiny House” absolutely cracks my shiznit UP. Seriously, I think it’s a real show every single time, and every single time I’m like “What a terrible idea for… oh, ummm, for car insurance.” Those Geico folks sure have some quirky peeps on their payroll.

<<< I love me that lizard! >>>

 

Tattoo, guitar, tattoo, guitar, tattoo, guitar. I’m torn! I want both! I hope my eBay stuff sells, pleasepleaseplease…. So that I can be a musician & a badass at the same time. Even if I have to be a very poor badass musician. There are prices to be paid here, people.

 

I bought some hair dye today… and it’s purple. Not like I wanna dye my whole head purple or something, but I want to do something fun, something crazy, something colorful. With my luck, however, I will most likely resemble Barney when all is said & done.

((( You love meee… even w/ purple hair?)))

 

I’m surviving, one day at a time… it gets a little bit easier every day, & every day I learn something new from it. à “Don’t forget the lyrics that saved your life / They were the only ones who ever stood by you.”

Feel the pain

Teaching us how much more we can take

Reminding us how far we’ve come

——–

—

-

 

 

 

With . or . without . you

 

 

Regret, you’ll find, at best is a waste of your time

 

((((I miss you

Like the deserts miss the rain))))

 

…& ever since

 you went away

I miss you

more every day

_____________________________________

 

…Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle…

_____________________________________

 

 

The rest is mine, I guess

The beauty and the mess….

 

There is a light and it never goes out

 

 

 

 

 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  

 

it   happens  too   fast

to   make  sense   of  it

to   make   it last

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  

“Can you say goodbye, without ever leaving?” –Teitur-

 

 Last night I did the unthinkable and *gasp!* went to the movies alone. I went to see “Because of Winn-Dixie” because I didn’t want to drink. It was so cute… and it was just what I needed. Today is the best day I’ve had in one week & one day. I came to a lot of realizations & a lot of conclusions… and today, I started to heal.

<<<>>>

 

 Let’s start being normal again, okay? …Okay. Well, here’s to trying, anyway.

 

 What is making me think I like red-hots? My aunt sent me some for V-Day & I just tried eating a handful of them. Okay, dumb idea, because even I did like them, no one likes a handful of those fiery monsters. So right now my mouth is straight up burning & I am SO not happy.

((()))

 

 On my mind:

1.       I was supposed to go to Damon’s with Scotty Hoe but he bailed & now I’m irate because I totally wanted the buttery goodness of Damon’s rolls. Dang it.

2.       My roommate unexpectedly went home for the weekend so, even though I was gonna go out tonight, now I’m tempted to stay in & have a movie night.

3.       I neglected to pick up my paycheck yesterday, so I have to wait till Monday. Double dang it.

 

 Dude, I wish I was a wizard. Yeahhhh, I’m watching the end of HP & I’m so jealous. I wish Hogwarts was real because mail, cool as it is to receive, would be even more badass by owl… they wear a lot of velvet, though—sick. I’d be a strictly-cotton wizard, of course.

{{{}}}

 

 That’s it for now… I’m downloading some music- Elliott Smith, The Smiths, The Fire Theft, Teitur- old stuff I’d forgotten about, mainly. It’s a good feeling. Except the breakin’-the-law part.

 

 

 

 

“you can’t hold on to anything that wants to go.

you just have to love it while you’ve got it.”

-Because of Winn-Dixie-