July 11, 2006

• “Show me how pretty the world is – I envy the way that you move.” –Matt Nathanson-

  
  

   

  
  

  I’m happy when I think of the buttons I bought from Lambda Rising that say things like “HATE is not a family value” & “May the fetus you save be gay,” or when I get a School Days smoothie from the Daily Market with my amazing coworkers & we sit in the boardroom for a half hour discussing old-school TV shows & telling stories of when the gay boys dated girls.

  
  

   

  
  

  I’m happy when I read ‘Smashed,’ which is bittersweet but very well-written & inspires me to write  abook someday, maybe a memoir, because I am also happy when I am telling stories & making people laugh, although I don’t know how well my humor translates into writing.

  
  

   

  
  

  And speaking of writing, I am happy when I see my column on the Stater’s Web site, knowing that it is in print across campus & that thousands of students are reading what I have to say, or that my mom is emailing the Web link to all of our family. I am happy when I get goosebumps at the mention of “the press,” even when the mention is negative, because “the press” is all I’ve ever wanted to be.

  
  

   

  
  

  I get an odd sort of happy when I look at old photographs of myself, from after I dated Scott but before I dated Kevin, when my hair was spunky & short, but not TOO short, when it was naturally red & really just very pretty, although I didn’t appreciate it.  I’m happy because I know it will be back eventually & all this vain suffering will make for a story that I can be proud of & pictures of myself that I can stash away & never look at ever again.

  
  

   

  
  

  I am happy when I think of returning to Kent State, a place I never wanted to be & now can’t imagine leaving, because I love my Stater friends, & I can’t wait to be a real Stater girl this year. I’m happy that I found people I can trust, even if I don’t know why I can trust them. But maybe I do know… it’s because they bring me “surprises” that are three beers wrapped in paper towels, or because we can talk about abortion & eating disorders & then switch to ‘80s music, or because Jackie will tell off my “friends” when they hurt me even though she has no reason to care, or because Ameir & I break stereotypes just by being together.

  
  

   

  
  

  For all these things, I really am happy. I try not to think so much about the other things – the drama & the insults & the rich kids who don’t know what it’s like to work for your money - & just enjoy being here. I love it here, bottom line. I AM happy.

  • 12:59 am
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