August 4, 2006

• “No one can find the rewind button, girl.” –Anna Nalick-

  
  

   

  
  

  This is my first Shabbat without the MKs… In very atypical fashion (for me), I lit the Shabbas candles alone, at my house, with tears streaming down my face & said the blessings aloud to myself. It’s funny the things you miss when you thought they didn’t matter to you.

  
  

  
  

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  I’m happy to be home, don’t get me wrong. It’s familiar, it’s comfortable… it’s home. But in some odd way, I miss the MKs & D.C. so much that it almost physically hurts me. I don’t know where this feeling came from… it just did, & I hate it.

  
  

   

  
  

  Tomorrow is my birthday, & I’ve never been less excited for it to come, which, if you know me, is saying a LOT. I usually love my birthday. But somehow, this one is shaping up to be lonely & bland, mostly Andrew’s celebration & people who care about him, mostly winging it & doing the same old, same old.

  
  

  ((()))

  
  

   

  
  

  I’m not pity-partying, so don’t get annoyed. I’m just in a funk, one that happens to fall on my birthday, & so it’s bad timing all around.

  
  

   

  
  

  Even though I like the person I’ve become since everything bad happened, I sometimes miss the way things were & the people I was with. I wish I could have the life I had then with the personality I have now – the best of both worlds… But I guess that even when it’s your birthday, you can’t have your cake & eat it, too.

  • 7:58 pm
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