“You remind me of what I really am.” –Nickelback-

 

 The Point was an AMAZING! time! Let me list the ways- Marisa's laugh/scream combo on every ride; posed pics with Peanuts characters; looking like a lesbian with Marisa (holding hands, putting our hands in one another's butt pockets); convos with 7th graders; a group corndog session; and so so much more. The Gemini totally owned my spine, but other than that, the day was utterly perfecto. My friends are so fab. Cedar Point rocks my face off. Yes, OFF.
<<<>>>

 

 Sean's, Kevin's & my Champ Award of the Day went to a gaggle of pre-teen girls, each one more horrendously dressed than the last. The best part of being in public places like amusement parks is people-watching. Mainly watching for crazy people. We saw a freakin' trifecta- a mullet with a rattail in a Wilkins-esque scooter. LOVE it.

 

I have a funny shaped sunburn on my nose where I must've missed with the sunscreen. I look like I have a rash or some skin defect. Suhweeeeet.

((()))

 

I also have some spots on my neck in severe resemblance of a hickey, & Marisa can't be convinced otherwise. Also sweet. Cedar Point made a whore of my neck meat.

 

 I thought it would be a good idea to get randomly drunk last night while watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. We ended up scrapping the movie & having an x.core heart-to-heart which was definitely needed. Cleansing, if you will.

{{{}}}

 

I've gotten a shit-ton of compliments on my tattoo, which is grand. I know a lot of people will look at it & think, "Stupid emo-girl." But me, I look at it & I know why it's there. Me, I look at it & I feel lucky to have a star to wish on every single night for the rest of my life.

 

Things, they are a-changin'... I woke up today feeling so good about my life. I can't wait to start school, start work... start life. This is me. This is where I am supposed to be.

 

 

 

i should tell you
i've got baggage, too,
i should tell you
baggage, wine & beer

 EDIT: Mad props to Marisa's mom, Rita. Michelle & I love her dearly & eagerly await making fun of her all freaking summer long. To Marisa: It's onnnn like Donkey Kong, lovah!

“I’m lonely as a leper. Yeah, I’m contagious as hell.” –New End Original-

 

Sean & I went to Applebee’s on Saturday, where we had the following conversation.

Sean: “Yeah, but you don’t like it.”

Me: “I like it when I’m drunk.”

Sean: “Why don’t you like it when you’re sober?”

Me: “I’m scared of the baby.”

Sounds like we’re talking about sex, right? Actually, it was just about Family Guy.

<<<>>>

 

 EDIT: Note: Sean is not my boyfriend.  

 

On the same night, I made a really inappropriate comment to someone I care about. I repeat- who lets me talk?! I think I have the right to say anything… but I forget that I’m not the victim here. If it hurts me, it’s my fault. I did this.

 

The Bright Eyes concert was fan-fucking-tastic & as soon as I have money, I’ll go buy The Faint’s CD, too. Kevin told me I could smack him every time he smoked, so I did; we sat next to a he-she who turned out to be a she; we harassed a Ryan-Cabrera-lookalike who got really freakin’ mad about it; and Ryan (NOT Cabrera) gave me a noogie, which hasn't happened since my elementary years. Then I had a Caramel Apple Empanada (a.k.a. a 99-cent Orgasm) & slept the sweet slumber of a satisfied concertgoer.

(((//)))

 

Also, I got a new tattoo. It’s a red star in memory of my ex, Dave, who died in February. It’s on the inner corner of my left wrist & I’m really effing sick of people going, “What were you thinking?!” or “Oh, that was smart,” in response to the location. It’s here & it’s staying here! Do you need to make me feel like a freak for it? I love it, and it’s my hand it’s on, so shut the heck up.

 

In the past week I’ve been told that I’m A) a sufferer of ADD, B) neurotic and C) uptight. There are probably more, but I don’t remember. Basically, this week had led me to believe that I am a freak of the ultimate variety.

{{{}}}

                       *Search Word: "Neurotic Freak"

 

America’s Rockin’ Roller Coast (a.k.a. Cedar Point) is tomorrow. The money rolls in on Friday. And next Monday, Phase I of my summer (a.k.a. Spring) is over, & I begin classes as an em-effing Golden Flash at KSU!

 

 

lately i’m ashamed to admit that i’m starving for it

but i want someone to love

“I never believed that things, they happen for a reason- they never go as planned.” –Third Eye Blind-

 

Sometimes when I wear necklaces that are too tight, I have to take them off when I eat- otherwise, I feel like I’m going to choke every time I swallow. Yesterday I wondered if priests have that problem, because of the outfit they have to wear. Like, doesn’t their neck ever feel too constricted? And they can’t even take it off.

<<< = >>>

 

My neighbor’s daughter had her second baby, which is so weird, because my neighbor’s daughter used to baby-sit me… and now she’s all motherly & has short mom hair & a stroller & a three-year old with a sippy cup, & I feel like I’m becoming ancient.

 

Who lets me talk? Seriously, lately I’ve said some of the most ridiculous things… like when we were discussing velveteen & Sean asked if “-teen” is some sort of suffix for cheap fabric. I asked for another example & he said, “satine,” and I said, “But what’s the base of satine? Sat?” And they all looked at me & screamed, “Satin!” Damn itttttt. 

((()))

 

I wish I was Ashanti so that I could sing songs & whisper my name all sexy-like at the beginning. No, seriously, why does she say her name at the start of every damn song? That Ashanti… and Lil John… and Usher… ego trips, those three.

 

The beauteous Quentin Tarantino/John Mayer Combo waiter waited on us at Applebee’s last night & I, of course, made some embarrassing comment that is probably not endearing if you don’t understand my sense of humor, so that’s a huge plus. Whatever, a girl can dream, right?

/// + ///

 

In anticipation of:

·         Getting my sunroof fixed tomorrow

·         Bright Eyes on Monday

·         Cedar Point on Wednesday

·         Paycheck on Friday

·         Making money by cleaning next week

·         Starting classes on the 23rd

·         Waterworks opening on the 28^th

 

Out like a girl scout. Hit me.

"Love doesn't hurt so I know I'm not falling in love- I'm just falling to pieces." -Anna Nalick-

Let's discuss my boredom level. If comparable to the national security warnings, I'm at about a code orange.

My sentimental journey home went fabulously, although A) there were only three people from my class there, B) Joel wore one of MY SHIRTS, you bitch! and C) it cost me $4. That's right, I am a cheap, cheap Jew.

((()))
             *Celebrating music & Judaism all at once! Woot!

Surprisingly, "He's Just Not That Into You" has NOT made me hate the male species or lust after the female species. In fact, it's been quite helpful in understanding a lot of my own behaviors. Does this ultimately mean that I more closely resemble an asshole boyfriend than I do a helpless girlfriend? Okay, probably. Whatever, I'm a Leo. And probably a bitch. This book is good for me, for understanding why I am just not that into people...

I'm going to see House of Wax tonight which will be fabulous if only for the part where Paris Hilton dies a violent death. The director had to know it'd be a great publicity stunt for people to see her bite the big one.

<<<>>>
       *I think "famous heiress" is code for "skanky waif-whore"

I'm at the Zach's babysitting-slash-housesitting for David, and it's mad-fun. We've eaten junk food for two days (pizza & Arby's) & we chatted until 2 a.m. & Christina's bed in insanely comfortable. Also, they have good fruit snacks, the Toy Story kind.

However, this mouse is too hard to use for me to post any fun pictures, even of Paris's bucket-kicking. (EDIT, I caved) Sorry, loyal readers. Imagine for yourself- it's more gruesome that way.  

Exes & ohs. Check ya laaaaater.

//////

I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn

And we are led to those who help us most grow up

 

If we let them, and we help them in return

I don’t know if I believe that’s true

But I know I am who I am today because of you

 

It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime

So let me say before we part

So much of me is made of what I learned from you

You’ll be with me like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end

I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend

 

And just to clear the air

I ask forgiveness for the things I’ve done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know there’s blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

 

Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?

I do believe I have been changed for the better

And because I knew you I have been changed for good

 

Second thoughts & paper hearts & lit candles & teddy bears & emo songs & fire drills & "me" songs & "us" boxes" & loud concerts & bad driving & guitar-pick necklaces & homecoming pictures & burnt dinners & half-watched movies….I love you….

“You don’t have to put up a fight. You don’t have to always be right.” –U2-

 

I think it’s hilarious that the back of the Slush Puppy truck says “Don’t forget your mittens!”

 

Also, did you ever stop to consider the fact that Glen Close’s first name is GLEN? And she’s a woman? What sort of name is that? Also, is it short for Glenda? And why did Google give me this guy?

<<<>>>

 

I went to Subway yesterday & it was relatively sucky & I was distraught to discover a Quizno’s right around the corner… after I ate. I’m addicted to Quizno’s tuna subs even if I’m opposed to their commercials.

 

I borrowed “He’s Just Not That Into You” from the ‘brary today with the hopes that it will A) solve all my love life problems, B) make me despise the male species or C) turn me into a lesbian. If it does all three, so much the better.

((()))

 

Hootie (minus the Blowfish) is a sellout & I will never buy the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch, EVER, and you shouldn't either. Also because it just sounds gross.

 

Scott Savol is off of American Idol, save the holy day, and did anyone notice that he cried at the end? He basically sucked but secretly I liked him bunches. Maybe cuz he’s an Ohioan. Whatever.

{{{}}}

 

This is a such a lame post & I apologize in advance for my total suckage. Comment anyway, beeechezzzz. Happy Cinco de Mayo, in case you’re Spanish or something.

“In my head there’s real & make-believe, but this seems real to me.” –Three Doors Down-

 

Yesterday Marisa & Michelle & I set out to clean our beloved concessions stand, which mainly consisted of sweeping up dead, crunchy worms & also carrying heavy Funbrellas, which are not as fun as the name wants you to believe. We also got the golf cart stuck between two tables & I consequently ran it into a steel door, which dented. Who put us in charge of this place?!

<<</>>>

 

Applebee’s changed the name of my favorite appetizer from “Mi Queso, Su Queso” to plain old “Queso Dip & Chips.” Helloooo? Now when Sean & I want to order “Our Cheese” it won’t even be funny, you Applebee’s jerks.

 

Ummm, today I remembered why I never use conditioner: because it makes my hair FREAK OUT. My scalp cannot decide which way it wants to part & the result is something of a wobbly afro. Like, it just flops around wherever it wants. WTF? I feel like a shaggy puppy.

((()))

 

It’s pretty lame when you can’t choose between watching Law & Order and watching One Tree Hill so you bring down another TV so that you can see what’s going on on both. Bum much? Okay, don’t worry, it wasn’t me who did that… it was my mom. HA!

 

This weekend is my “sentimental journey home,” a.k.a. Pops Concert, which I missed last year. Never thought my heart could be so ‘yearny’! Also, I’m spending the weekend with my faux bro, David, & I’m super psyched.

//////

 

Bowling on Cinco de Mayo, who’s in? One time I almost asked when Cinco de Mayo was… d’oh.

 

 

 

 

 

you love me

but you don't know who i am

 

“Indecisions lasting for years…” –Acceptance-

 

This computer I’m on is slower than molasses in January. We were supposed to get the Internet today but my mom bailed. Watch out, kids, it’s still 1980 at the Bigam household.

 

I had a partaaaaay Saturday night & how fun was THAT?! People came, people drank, people laughed & got along & no one argued whatsoever. We met Annie’s special friend John & consumed copious amounts of alcoholic liquids. Kubus got drunk off of one beer, I drunk-dialed my aunt & uncle… and I don’t remember much else. Who blacks out at her own party? And when did I go to sleep?!

<<<>>>

 

Movies to watch:

·       Igby Goes Down

·       Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

·       Big Fish

·       The rest of Season 7 of Buffy

 

Annie & I made a bet the other night while watching Miss Congeniality 2 &  we got so into it that we were both all pissed off at each other & argued right there in the theatre. In the end, we were both right/wrong so neither of us had to pay the other $25. Also, this bet was about whether or not one of the actresses in the movie was actually from Law & Order. So lame.

((( = )))

 

Things I’m looking forward to this month:

·       Sean coming home mega-soon

·       Cedar Point before high-schoolers are there

·       Starting classes on the 24^th

·       Waterworks’ opening again

o        Making money

·       Bright Eyes concert with Kev

·       Getting the Internet???

{{{ // }}}

 

Know what sucks? When you know you’re being a bad friend to someone & you’re too chicken-shit to own up to it. When your conscience nags at you. When you’re going behind someone’s back. When you’re waiting to get caught. Jesus, I have to fix this. It’s not worth it. (Edit- It's going to be a hell of a lot harder now...)

 

I remember the chill that came over

Everything I love went falling