“There’s fog inside the glass around your summer heart.” –John Mayer-

My horoscope today said that my stress would begin to break apart a bit… & it was right. Thank goodness.

§          I gave my speech on smoking bans this morning, & the kid who used to be a cokehead told me I did a good job… so that’s something…

§          I also met with my Econ prof for over an hour, during which time he went over everything with me & drew out numerous graphs for me to study. 

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Tonight I have a date with Kevin, & we’re going to Damon’s… which might be my all-time favorite. I’ve been looking forward to this all week!

Edit: That awesome bf of mine bought me the Kelly Clarkson CD!

I hate my Dell Pocket DJ. Never buy one. They are pieces of crud. I didn’t want an iPod cuz it didn’t have buttons (I dislike dials), but this damn Dell doohickey is even harder to operate. I just wanna put some damn music on the thing!!!

((()))

Some guy came out & raked all our leaves & only charged my mom $30. Also, it snowed today. Welcome to winter, for real this time, maybe. It is November, after all.

Domo arigato, Mr. Robotohhhh.

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“I swear to God I’ll have found myself in the end…” -30 Seconds to Mars-

I have Marisa’s virus, where every time I eat I get sick. Let me tell you how un-awesome it is…

((()))

I had my first Newswriting interview yesterday & it went extremely well. I got some good info & maybe made a new friend, too. Now I just have to work my butt off to get all the other interviews in!

Working my butt off seems to be a theme this week.

·          Found out I’m failing Econ

·          Found out that if failing Econ takes my GPA below a 2.75, I get booted from Journalism for a semester

·          Met with my Poli Sci professor to work on a data research project due a week from today that I’m totally lost on

·          Finally started on the oral presentation I have due tomorrow…

·          Have an econ exam on Friday (thought it was tomorrow) that I clearly need to do decently on

·          Have to start taking/developing pictures for my Photography portfolio due very soon

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The end of the quarter (semester!) is always killer… but what’s even more killer is knowing that if I was still at OU, I’d be in finals week. And I would be able to retake Econ for a replacement grade.

This week has already been miserable, and it’s only Tuesday.  I can’t go out this weekend- does anyone want to go see a matinee with me on Saturday or something? I need to spend the rest of the weekend doing academic junk.

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“Head case, head case, turn that thing around.” –Louis XIV-

This was such a fun weekend… even if I didn’t see Tav, & even if no one wanted to see Granian with me. And even if I got in a bitchfight & cried for like 2 hours & ate two donuts at 3 a.m. (thanks, Brian). And even if my last 2 blogs were misinterpreted. And so on & so forth.

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I love the smell of candles that have just been blown out, or burned down. It makes the whole house smell like Chanukah.

This is basically going to be the week from hell, at least until Wednesday. Terrifying interview tomorrow due Tuesday, data research due Tuesday to share w/ Dr. Claassen (gaggg), & my oral presentation on Wednesday, directly followed by my Economics exam (shoot me).

“I thought that you might have some advice to give on how to be insensitive.” –Jan Arden-

The worst part about being “an emotional mess” is that I’m never as covert as I think I am. I can be manipulative, yes, but I can be manipulated just as easily. I can be secretive, yes, but just as often, I reveal everything without ever realizing it.

And I have no secrets, do I? Everyone knows all of me. Everyone can see everything that I am. I’m so obvious, and not in a good way. Everything I feel is exposed, to everyone, all of the time.

I know this isn’t affecting him like it’s affecting me. That might make me even madder- or just ashamed? I need to get over it. I need to not care. But I only care because it’s affecting someone I love. I only care because it’s putting a lot of stress on this relationship. I only care because I feel like he could ruin everything.

Okay, so I care. So sue me.

"We become the things we do
Me, I'm a fool spent from defiance
(Yeah, you got me)"
-3EB-

Did I really do that? AGAIN? What was I thinking?

I hate that this happened, & I hate what happened afterwards, & I hate that this is a situation that I honest-to-God don't know what to do about.

I am: a fighter, not a lover. I am: an emotional mess. I am: not sorry... yet.

"When I'm around you I'm predictable." –Acceptance-

I’m having invitation insecurity today because I got invited to do two social things but I feel like both were pity-invites.

I raked leaves for so long & so hard today that I have calluses on my poor little hands. Seriously. Go hard or go hooooome.

((()))

I’m doing a presentation Wednesday on smoking bans & why I am in favor of them. Summit County has one proposed & I’m alllll about it. If New York State can do it, podunk NEOhio can, too. Like people will really quit going to bars?! EVER?

My fabulous grandmother offered to buy me a North Face jacket for Chanukah. How thrilling is that? So warrrrrm. So versatile. So yuppy… I guess I can ignore that last part.

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Last night I chased a Cherry Bomb with a stale pretzel. Yum? NO. Oh, man, liquor hates me. ANYways, tonight’s Clubhouse night & you know I’m there!

......

“Don’t breathe too deep. Don’t think all day.” –Rent-

Let’s be honest- I look really cute today. I love days where that actually happens.

I’m going insane without the Internet & without cable. Last night, my cable-less TV kept making noises that sounded suspiciously like a chicken every time a syllable with a “P” was uttered during One Tree Hill.

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Who got a 95% on her Geology exam? THIS GIRL DID! I literally almost passed out in joy.

There’s nothing I want more right now than to have a place of my own. Or even a place that’s NOT my own that’s shared with three or four other people. A home that’s not home-home. I love my mom, but I want independence so bad.

((()))

Congrats to my girls Megan & Jess who are officially BIGS now! I wish I could be there tonight for Revealing to meet my new Grandlittle. My REAL SigKap family- none of that faking bullshit anymore.

Can I get a “Hooray!” for: not having class tomorrow; finally getting paid; flouncy corduroy skirts; reading the sixth Harry Potter book again; and having a topic that I actually really like for my Newswriting feature final?

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 EDIT- I also just scored an interview for Newswriting next Monday. Woohoooooo!

“Say all the things that you really wanna say- the truest of forms will show.” –Sleeping At Last-

Half a tree crashed in my back yard & took out our cable & phone lines which equals no Internet for me. I’m currently at the ‘brary while my car is being fixed.

Kevin, Brian, Annie & I went to the Interbelt on Saturday night as part of Annie’s Diversity class project. Pretty much it was like we had a giant neon flashing sign over our heads that read “STRAIGHT!!!” all night. When I went to the restroom, there were 2 very unfriendly (but very pretty) drag queens at the sinks… and the seat was up in my stall.

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If you’re a C-Falls voter, please make sure to vote for the CF Library Levy tomorrow. Support my mama the librarian; vote YES.

Movies I’m looking forward to seeing:

·          Shopgirl (Claire Danes is amazingly talented)

·          Jarhead (How hot are Jake Gyllenhaal & Jamie Foxx? Hoo-rah.)

·          The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe (Turkish delight!)

·          Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire (I’m reading the book again)

·          Rent (My fabulous mom just bought me the CD!)

((()))

The ending of last night’s Grey’s Anantomy was fan-fucking-tastic. Who doesn't love a dip-kiss?! I was smiling SO hard... And when Karev said the first-kiss thing to Nicole, the wheelchair freshman, I nearly cried. Seriously, this show is my latest addiction.

My life is so boring right now. I have zero to say. I have 2 projects to do & a midterm to study for, & here I am updating Xanga. Priorities, priorities.

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“Swinging like a pendulum, the time ticks by…” –The Like-

I feel like it’s 10 o’clock at night but it’s only 4:30. Which means I’ll be at work for another 5 hours…

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If you’re from C-Falls, please remember to vote for the CF Library levy this Tuesday. Support my mother the librarian & vote YES!

Kevin & I are tryin’ again. Such a relief.

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Tonight is gay-bar night, I think. I wanna do something fun but I’ve been so damn tired lately that I can’t even function properly. Yesterday I napped in my car between classes, like a hobo.

 Last night I briefly saw the end of Garden State & it made me want to watch the whole thing again. I freaking love that movie. And Natalie Portman.

((()))

 My neighbor owes me $38.50 (that's thirty-eight point five dollars, Brian) & I really hope she pays me soon because I'm pretty sick of living off of my friends (& I'm sure they are, too). Again, like a goddamn hobo.

“You can breathe now but the air is running out...” –Jack's Mannequin-

Uhhh, something is wrong with my Microsoft Word & it keeps saying “abnormal termination.” Yikes?

Can anyone out there say with total conviction that they dislike Kelly Clarkson? Seriously, who could hate America’s first Idol? Not me. I definitely station-hop in hopes of finding a song of hers- any song.

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There’s a liquor store on my way to school called TLC Liquor, where TLC stands for Total Liquor Center. This pisses me off -- Total Liquor Center Liquor? I bet they’re the same people who say “ATM machine,” too.

All songs with sounds resembling sirens in the background ought to be outlawed. This includes but is not limited to that one whispery rap song & Augustana’s otherwise-fabulous “Coffee & Cigarettes,” & soooo many more. Seriously. Outlaw them.

((()))

I survived another Geology exam without going into total breakdown-mode. Granted, there were about two full pages to which I didn’t know a single damn answer… but whatchu gon’ do?

Tidbits: The Arcade Fire is overrated. Dumb arguments are the worst. I suck at being skinny. Does anyone want to hang out tonight?

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