“Too smart to sit, too weak to settle down.” –Jealous Sound

Still no internship. A couple leads, but nothing confirmed. Trying every day not to doubt myself.

Last night was one of my favorite nights on record – went to the local vineyard for a hot dog roast with some of my Stater girls, where they split four bottles  of wine. Pre-gamed with Elise/Maddy/Bob. Met a whole slew of people at the Zephyr/Pub for Ben’s birthday festivities. This is finally the life I’ve been waiting my whole life for.

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I saw a t-shirt at Deb yesterday that read, “Rich & Single,” and it made me smirk because I’m pretty sure if you were rich, A) you wouldn’t be shopping at Deb in the first place, & B) you wouldn’t be advertising it on an ugly tee. Classyyyy.

Only one week of classes & one week of finals left. One week of Kent State, one week of Whitehall East, one week of the Stater, one week of my Trio. I can’t believe I’ve been in college for a half a decade now. I’m in the home stretch now…

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I WANT TO GO OUT AGAIN TONIGHT.

“Oh, Jesus Christy Almighty, do I feel all right? No, not slightly.” –Lily Allen

I hung out with a horde of couples on Friday & felt like a ninth wheel. Jackie/Doug, Rachel/Jesse, Ryan/Lindsey, Seth/Abbey – annnnnd ME. Awesome, yes? How come every single person I know has a significant other? Last night I fell asleep cuddling with a friend, which will have to suffice until I can bypass this dating disorder I apparently have.

I know everyone’s tired of hearing about it, but I still do not have an internship, & I’m long past The Panic Stage. I’ve almost passed The Despondent Stage, too, & have begun to venture into the There’s-No-Hope-For-Me-&-I-Almost-Don’t-Care Stage. I’ve exhausted nearly all of my options…

Hard to believe I only have two weeks left at Kent. Hard to believe I ever went to OU. I belong at Kent, & I’m so happy I ended up here. I changed my life for myself, in a positive way, & Kent has really begun to feel like home. Even being in RPA this semester has made me love Kent more, because now I appreciate the city, not just the university. I realized that if I end up back here in the ‘burbs of Ohio at some point, my life will not be as terrible as I’d once imagined.

Feeling a little lost… but what else is new, right? I’m spending an evening in with my mother, nursing a hangover, re-writing cover letters & waiting for Mrs. McClusky to get caught with her husband’s body in the freezer on “Desperate Housewives.”

“I won’t apologize for the things that make me happy anymore.” –Emerson

Things I am not a fan of include:

·          False accusations

·          Angry text messages

·          Horrible back pain

·          Writer’s block

Things I am a fan of include Brendan Fehr’s hair, making omelets with my mom, the word “omelet,” blogging, planning a weekender to D.C. to visit Ameir, and not having class tomorrow.

Anyway, I just finished the second season of “Roswell.” I overwhelmingly adore this show, & I can’t believe the WB canceled it after only three seasons because it was effing phenomenal. I read somewhere that Shiri Applebee wants to do a “Roswell” movie, & even though I know it will never happen, I desperately wish it would.

Good news – my back issues aren’t surgical. My doctor gave me some exercises to do three times a week to alleviate the arthritis I have around my spine. Yeah, that’s right: I’m 22 & I have an arthritic back, like a freaking 70-year-old woman.

Still looking for an internship. Still sucking at life…

“No one is allowed to be so proud they never reach out when they’re giving up.” –Better Than Ezra

So… I asked for help. I went to Ann & Carl & freaked out about not having an internship. And for as much as I profess my dislike for Ann, she really reassured me, & I feel quite a bit better after talking to her. She seemed confident I’d get the Stateline job & said I shouldn’t give up on BPEF. She also gave me a huge compliment I never saw coming… so I’m trying to relax. I’m trying to wait. I’m trying to have faith that this summer will work out. And today I interviewed with Milwaukee Magazine.

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I’m trying desperately to figure out this song I heard last night on the radio. it’s one from the ‘90s, sounds like Del Amitri or Dog’s Eye View. It used to be popular enough that I knew all the words when I heard it, but now, for the life of me, I can’t remember what it was! It was about knowing someone didn’t care for you like you did for them, but deciding you might stick around anyway. Any ideas, anyone?!

Also, it sure does suck telling people things you’d rather not tell them, wishing you could just avoid conflict entirely. Now I understand why most guys just duck out of casual relationships & never call again instead of actually manning up and telling the truth. Because, you know, the truth hurts.

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I’ve begun looking for apartments in Washington, D.C. They’re soooo expensive, but… I’M LOOKING FOR APARTMENTS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.!