“At least I got away with murder & all you got was my heart...” –Juliana Theory-

My schedule is preeeetty full for the next couple weeks. I have no idea how I’ll be paying for most of these activities, or when I’ll be making money, but I’m excited anyway. Somewhere in here, I hope to visit Megs at OU.

·          8/5: My 22^nd birthday!

·          8/7: Jonah Matranga at the Grog

·          8/8: State Fair with Sam

·          8/12: AOSFYC with Jason & Alex

·          8/26: Brandtson show at the Grog

·          8/28: Starting back up at KSU

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I’m so extremely pumped up about this potential moving out business that I can’t even see straight when I think about it. My mom really thinks we can make it happen, & living in Kent would make my Stater life so much easier… my fingers are triple-crossed for this.

Oscar Mayer’s new “hot dog in a bun” dealy freaks me out. How can that dawg possibly be tasty if you heat it up at the same time as the bun? Seriously. Gross.

((()))

My birthday, which is normally my “favorite holiday,” is shaping up to be pretty depressing this year. I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little sad about it, but whatever, I guess. Things change; plans change; people change. It’s just a birthday, right?

Why are my entries so horribly boring these days??? I hope this isn’t a reflection of my personality. Ugh.

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“So long, sweet summer. I stumbled upon you & gratefully basked in your rays.” –Dashboard Confessional-

I spent my first full night home going to a sketchy show for Ben & Jon’s band at “The Furnace House,” which turned out to be an actual residence, some dirty house with a fratty feeling to it. I’m pretty sure I had more testosterone than ¾ of the guys there – they were all ridiculously, hilariously “indie.”

I started back at the Stater today by making sure I get paid for my columns, & Jackie’s giving me some actual articles to write soon, too. Back in the swing of things…

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Our electricity went out today & all my popsicles melted.

EXCITING NEWS: I may be moving out! That’s right: into a 5-bedroom, 5-bath townhome with Cortney Mac & three other girls, in good old Kent. That would mean less commuting, more “real” Kent fun, & being closer to the newsroom in case important shiznit happens. AND FEELING LIKE A COLLEGE KID AGAIN!

((()))

I miss D.C. a lot. I thought I wouldn’t, but I do… The city, the people, the internship – all of it. Man, what a great summer.

Deadbeat sweetheart…

I don’t want to lose the inspiration I gained from D.C. I don’t want to revert back to the way I was, apathetic & unknowing. I want to change the aspects of myself that I still hate. I want to always be the person I was in MK. I want to learn to appreciate myself while I learn to appreciate everything else my life has to offer.

I want to be happy. I want to stay happy.

“You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.” –Semisonic-

I caught 10:47 this morning, completely at random… how fitting.

For all the times I’ve bitched about this trip, 6 weeks has gone by too damn fast. You think going into it that a month & a half is a ton of time, you’ll do everything, & really, it’s not, & you don’t.

I didn’t expect to care about these people, but I do. I cried last night when Marla left & again when Ari & Andrea left this morning.

What an amazing experience. I’m so glad I did this.

I really am coming home as a new person.

“I got hot head, hot eyes, hot ticks, hot mouth. Each howl, I get bigger.” –Tapes ‘n’ Tapes-

I wrote a column I was particularly proud of, & it didn’t go in the paper. It went online as a Web Exclusive, which really doesn’t mean much. I know I have to suck it up & not take it personally, but I put a lot of personal passion into this piece, & it didn’t even make it to print. So is the life of a budding writer, I suppose.

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Yesterday was my last day at Family Pride & I must admit, I almost broke out the tears. I love my coworkers so much. This internship taught me so much… I wish I were in P-Town with them, telling stories & loving the gays.

I go home on Sunday & what I’ll miss most is this city. I always thought I’d live in New York, where the magazines are, but after these six weeks, D.C. is the place I can most see myself settling. I could do this; I could be here. I’m already looking for a journalism internship here next summer.

((()))

 Funny conversation with Heather about “vominoes,” a.k.a. barfing in bars.

GlossAndSauce: we may get cabs home haha

HDM009: no vomit dominoes

GlossAndSauce: whaaaat?

HDM009: sam said the boys were like "vomit dominoes" last friday.... they got kicked out of 69 taps

HDM009: which sean turned into "vominoes"

GlossAndSauce: Which means "let's go!' in spanish

GlossAndSauce: and they did, indeed, go

GlossAndSauce: out of the bar

HDM009: hahahahaha

HDM009: oh, the irony.

Got into a confrontation with the British roomie tonight. Whatever – with 3 days left, I hardly care if I offend someone who I never got along with that well in the first place.

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Schedule:

·          Tomorrow: Lobbying Senator DeWine on Iraq & education

·          Friday: Israeli Embassy & student-led Shabbat services

·          Saturday: Machon Kaplan Gala Event

·          Sunday: Flight leaves for home at 6:45 p.m.

“Look at me, hypnotized & half-alive…” -OK Go-

Grossest feeling ever: when you’re standing on the sidewalk to cross the street & a bus drives by, leaving you in a hot, dirty cloud of fumes. Even better when it’s 100 degrees out already.

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A woman named Michelle called the office today asking for help because her partner is a married, closeted, a mother of two who’s begun drinking heavily. It was so hard to be on the “help” end, not knowing what to say. I’ve never felt like I had so much potential effect on someone’s situation: I sent her all the information we had that could possibly help her.

Went on a Chipotle date with Ryan tonight even though I missed Marla’s birthday dinner because of it. I double-booked, which sucks, but I felt like I need some roomie-free time. Also, I heart chicken tacos, in case you weren’t sure where I stand on Chipotle. Because, you know, I never voice it.

((()))

My fabulous hetero bar-mate sent me three, count  ‘em, three, cards today of varying degrees of humor & inspiration. I’m so lucky to have found someone who likes me despite the way I am… & maybe even because of it.

Taryn & I ordered ice cream cookie sandwiches for Marla since we couldn’t find a cake. Innovation, whaaaat. DC Snacks delivers & has a cool online countdown thingy to tell you how close you are to receiving your order. Also… they deliver condoms.

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“You’re lucky to be alive & I wouldn’t count on anything. Proceed with caution from here on in.” –The New Amsterdams-

Patrick & Anthony came to visit me last night! It was really nice to hang out with some gentiles after all this Jewry, although a bit awkward because Patrick & I have never really hung out outside a familial setting. He took me to Virginia with him today for my aunt’s birthday. Being with Uncle Dennis, my dad’s best friend, reminds me that I missed out on so much “family” stuff when my dad died.

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I’m glad I did this program & I truly love D.C., but I’m ready for some CF. It’s funny how I always want to be somewhere else, how I always need a break from one place then want to go back, & then it all starts over again.

One of my suitemates just got some really excruciating news from home. It’s so hard to listen to her crying in the next room, when I understand so well those phone calls that send you to your knees in pain & prayer. Tomorrow’s her birthday, too, which makes it that much more hurtful.

((()))

There are a lot of things on my mind & I wish I had someone to spill them all to, but there’s not really anyone, here or at home… so I’m headed to bed to mull things over by myself.

“i get to dress up & play the assasin again. it's my favorite; he's got personality.” –The New Amsterdams-

I’m ridiculously weary of ignorance, and of people who don’t even realize their own ignorance; people who say racist, prejudicial things and can’t comprehend why others are offended; who disguise their idiocy with eloquence and hope no one notices that they don’t know a damn thing.

I have a horrible cold…in July. WTF?! My immune system decided it hates me.

((()))

I’m having a really hard time with my columns lately. I just despise my writing – I could be doing so much better, but it’s like I’m stuck in a creative swamp where everything is all mucked together & I’m dredging through it. I wrote this last week, & Ben rebutted with this this week, which sort of sucks because I disagree with his point but it was articulated better than mine was.

......

Aaron compared my hair to matzah: “Other people are like, ‘I love matzah,’ and you’re like, ‘Yeah? Well, you try eating it for a week.’” What a good analogy, seriously. I mean, you tell me it’s cute, but why don’t you try shaving your head? …No? Didn’t think so.

My mom sent me Jolly Bear & my Tevas. My life is now complete.

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Home in 9, but who’s counting? What a fast-paced summer.

“Working class boys dreaming of girls from faraway points...” –Further Seems Forever-

Big news, bitchezzz! I’m going back to the FAC when I get home! Lame, I know, right? Whatever, I’m pumped. Kate’s WWFAC Summer, Version 5.33 is underway in 2 weeks.

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The D.C. heat index is somewhere between 95 & 110 degrees, which warrants a heat warning. YOWZA. try strolling around in that in work clothes.

It occurred to me today that I’m in a big city that’s absolutely abuzz with gorgeous, hard-working, white-collar boys, and I haven’t met a single damned one. Or at least not a single damned straight one, anyway. This has to be criminal.

((())) 

We went to see ‘Shear Madness’ at the Kennedy Center tonight. It was wonderfully funny & included a reference to one of my all-time favorite ‘80s songs, “Get Outta My Dreams” by Billy Ocean.

I wanna hold your hand…

it wasn’t me; i wasn’t there.

I was stone-drunk.

it isn’t clear, and it doesn’t count ‘cause i don’t care.

but i’ll use a pop song to clear my name.

“If you want to know the truth, it was an accident of youth & the last thing that I’m taking is the blame.” –Graham Colton-

It’s interesting to sit back & watch the drama unfold, rather than be the catalyst & a key player. Also: I wonder why everyone tells me their secrets when I admit to not being able to keep them.

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We performed last night’s Havdallah ceremony on the roof of the Kennedy Center, where you can see the whole city. Beautiful, this place.

We had a Machon Kaplan iron Chef tonight, where everyone made an entree & my roommates & I provided fabulous dessert. I put my old-school bakery skills to good use by icing a peanut butter chai onto the brownies, which tied for first place dessert.

((()))

The Holocaust Museum today was  emotionally draining. I toured it with four other people in my program who’d never been there. It took us more than 3 hours, & only because we sped up when we found out the museum was closing. What a painful place, what nightmarish history. Everyone should go once in their lives.

Fewer than 2 weeks left here… I miss home a little bit, but I wonder what I really have to go back to. The Nat? The Clubhouse? And perhaps more intriguingly, who is there for me?

[////////]

So much has changed. As scared as I was to come here, I'm more scared to go back. I’m only really excited to return to the Stater, to begin my endeavors as a “real” reporter & to be a part of something that means something, anything, & I'm even terrified of that, because what if I can't handle it? Or them? What if they can't handle me???

don't you see?

don't you see?

(that the charade is over)