Say it with me – I WILL NOT GET MY HOPES UP.

    Not about an internship or a boy or a job or my Thanksgiving holiday.
I will not get my hopes up, not for anything.
If it wants me, it can come to me – all of it, any of it.

    My hopes are not down. They’re just… not up.
My hopes are not up.
(Say it with me.)

she changes your mind:

when you see the joy in her eyes,

it makes you feel.

lots on my mind.

so much to be said & no one to say a word to.

it was nice to feel like a part of something – kind of.

i want to mean something to someone the way they mean everything to one another.

all of them… and me.

all i have is hope, all the time. hope that people feel the same way for me that i feel for them, that people like me half as much as i like them. hope that i don’t appear as desperately confused as i actually am, about relationships and friendships and everything else that i could possible want for.

everything hurts… & at the same time, everything feels wonderful.

i feel alive. i feel unloved & more alive than ever.

(it makes you feel)

I know this delayed, but...

“I always believed in futures – I hoped for better in November.” –Jimmy Eat World-

I could not be more proud of this formerly redneck state for VOTING BLUE in Tuesday’s elections. I know I haven’t voted in many elections, but I can’t imagine a more perfect outcome than this week’s.

·          Ted Strickland as governor

·          Sherrod Brown as senator

·          Marc Dann (family friend) as Attorney General

·          Three Democratic Summit county judges

·          Issue 5 kicks the hell out of Issue 4

·          Minimum wage is up

And finally….

·          The CFPL library levy passes – my mom’s a happy librarian!

I have faith in our state, in our country after all. G-d bless Nancy Pelosi (new Speaker of the House!) & all the other Democrats in office. May they turn this godforsaken country around & restore prosperity and respect to America.

“Something’s about to change – I can feel it in my heart today.” –Rocket Summer-

It would be splendid if someone could tell me how to quit fucking up my life.

If you can instruct me on how to do this, thank you in advance.

          There’s nothin’ you can do or say

(It's) gonna break my heart anyway

Just leave the pieces when you go.

“I don’t bite, baby – I’ll be good to you in the morning.” –Rooney-

I missed a freakin’ ROONEY show this weekend, & I’m really, really bummed. Luckily, Rocky Votolato tomorrow night should soothe my pain.

//////

I had quite the uneventful weekend. I worked a lot, slept a lot, talked on AIM a lot. I had dinner at Bennigan’s with old friends & saw a hilarious movie (“Borat”). Good stuff.

I am currently trying to evaluate whether or not it is safe for me to have a mini-crush on someone right now. I mean, crushes can lead to dating, which can lead to relationships, which can lead to me cheating. Heather says:

HDM009: so be like, "hey, we've gone on dates. you're nice/sweet/cool/superfly/whatever, but i'm not looking to date exclusively. peace out."

HDM009: then put on some dangly earrings and go on a date with someone else

((()))

Who wants to buy me some groceries? Seriously. I need some Easy Mac, Morningstar Farms chicken patties, parmesan cheese, wheat buns, cheese slices, lime Yoplait, kiwis, & 100-calorie packs of… anything.

I don’t know why I can’t seem to hold down a single stable friendship.

I’m fucking sick to death of feeling unloved & crazy, of being the stray friend who gets left out for no damn reason.

“Is it any surprise that you feel so overrun? When all this time you have no one to tell you how to love.” –Copeland-

I got through this week & got stuff done & even got to sleep in at times. Amazing.

Tina Majorino is on “Veronica Mars.” Weird. I love her.

//////

Elise’s devil-cat mauled my hand, & it killlls.

I had two stories on the front page today, & I liked both of them. Badass.

What a worthless entry.

//////

“I have a feeling you wouldn’t like me if you met me.” –Tegan & Sara-

Peebles said this today & it killed me – in a good way:

hey its peebs: so i have a choir concert tonight

hey its peebs: and im currently dressed in my Ms tux

hey its peebs: like, its itchy because it knows that it holds the skeletons of my past, or something

I almost killed a bitch today, fo’ reallll, yo. I was waiting for a parking spot, ready to back in, & some girl swoops in from behind & steals it from me. I laid on the horn for about 15 seconds & flipped her off. I contemplated yelling or leaving a note on her windshield, but thought better of my road (parking lot?) rage.

((()))

Today was free burritos from Chipotle if you came dressed as a burrito, a.k.a. wearing any sort of aluminum foil. Elise & went for that plus chips & salsa, which we consumed while watching Mariska Hargitay’s glorious return to “Law & Order SVU.”

Also, I sold my taffeta plaid prom dress on eBay. I was really sad when I saw that it sold, but $50 in my pocket is nothing to cry over, right?

//////

 I have no plans this weekend. Anyone?

“There'll be no rest for these tired eyes – I’m marking it down to learning.” –Matchbox Twenty-

Seasons 1 & 2 of “Veronica Mars” on DVD are now my permanent background noise. I’m lovin’ it. Also, I have a TV crush on Veronica Mars’ ex-boyfriend, Logan. The other one, Duncan, sucksss.

((()))

Other things I love right now include:

·          Anticipating the Dream Show (Dec. 8^th & 10^th)

·          Warmish fall days

·          ½-price rentals at Family Video

·          Ramen with parmesan & walnuts

·          Finishing a sorta-big story

·          Semester’s more than halfway over

·          Behnaz Sarafpour at Target

·          Skirts-tights-&-boots season

·          Warm fall days

((())) 

                                                     *New Behnaz!

How over-aggressive is it if you know a guy is kinda-sorta interested in you & you ask a mutual friend for his phone number? Is that too Weirdo Chick? Elise suggested it. I, however, am hesitant & not all that desperate.

Blahhhh. Overwhelmed/bored. Bad combo.