“There’s a freight train coming to force your head in check. Our love is never coming back.”” –The Juliana Theory-

I’m really ready to punch myself in the face right now. It’s hard to find 20 seconds to take a deep breath these days.

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Sometimes I’m dumbfounded at the amount of ridiculously stupid people that exist within these city limits. I can’t imagine how so many morons can coexist in a single city without the whole place falling to pieces. Every day I’m amazed by the patrons at the Nat.

This weekend was a slow one. Friday was a good time, drinking & rollicking with some Stater friends & being denied waffles at Rosie’s at 4 a.m. Saturday I saw “Idlewild” with Kevin & promptly had a hysteria-induced panic attack of some sort, where I spent what seemed like a million years hyperventilating on the theatre floor as some stranger instructed me to count backwards from 100.

((()))

And today I head back to Kent for another stress-filled week, albeit a shorter one than normal. I have 3 features stories waiting to be written: one on a liquid crystal-based couture fashion line based out of Kent, another on the revamped Robin Hood, and still another on a student who was kicked out of the Air Force for being a lesbian. They all sound interesting, but they’re already eating away at my level of sanity, which was precariously low to start with.

On the upside, I saw Peebles (even if for the briefest of encounters), so my life is now complete.

“The cure is if you let in just a little more love. I promise you this: A little’s enough.” –Angels & Airwaves-

What did I think I was doing to myself when I signed up for all this extracurricular involvement? The Stater, Artemis, The Burr, Fusion, and the Nat on top of it all. It’s a miracle I have time to breathe.
((()))

Last night I fell asleep to the sound of neighbor boys playing cornhole beneath my balcony. Oh, Romeo… I did, however, sleep for about 12 hours, which is approximately the sum total of all my sleep this past week.

I think I’m on track toward having a breakdown at the end of every week. I had one yesterday. I had one last Friday. I’m assuming this is going to become a habit of mine. Luckily, Bryan Googles pictures of puppies for me when I’m feeling frazzled.
<<<>>>

I’ve really taken to BP’s French vanilla cappuccino. Who knew a gas station would serve such couture coffee?

I need to start using the Rec, if I can ever find time. This is the fattest I’ve ever been & I feel like a disgusting lump of a person. Mirrors are nightmares.
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“I am not a force to be reckoned with & you don’t have a clue what you’re messing with. You can’t see to the best of me cuz it’s more than your heart can take.” –Anna Nalick-

My own little corner in my own little room... (bed & stars!)

Lookin' messy.Ugh! Bookshelf & closet...

Big window (balcony outside!) & TV stand corner

Conversational snippets from a Sunday night chat with one miss Heather Murray:

HDM009: ok you may get off easy

HDM009: be sweden

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GlossAndSauce: he doesnt get the sarcasm thing much

HDM009: oh he's done then
HDM009: that's too bad, oh well

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HDM009: well i'm not experienced in dating anyone with a kid, and honestly, the only person i know of who you could talk to about it, you may not want to...

GlossAndSauce: ryan?

HDM009: wait, what? ryan's got a kid?

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GlossAndSauce: also, did i mention that he's 6'8" tall?!?!

GlossAndSauce: i come up to... his shoulder. almost.

HDM009: WHA?

GlossAndSauce: haha right.

GlossAndSauce: he plays basketball in france.

HDM009: shut up

GlossAndSauce: um he's kind of huge

HDM009:  his name is george glass and you are so making him up

GlossAndSauce: hahahahahahahaha
GlossAndSauce: oh god a million points for that
HDM009: hahaha
HDM009: i freakin LOVE that girl as jan brady
HDM009: dammit now i have sunshine day stuck in my head, thank you

I get up.
I walk.
I fall down.
Meanwhile...
I keep dancing.

-Hillel

“She did a bad, bad thing…” –Chris Isaak-

Sometimes you do things that you can’t take back & you feel like a piece of shit but there’s nothing else you can do. I did something awful & I may be losing my job(s) & people's respect for me, but I mean... if I do, I do, & I’ll move on & figure things out. I made a really awful mistake, but I can’t change it.

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I signed the lease on a townhome in Whitehall East today. I’m living with a friend from work & three other girls whom I’ve never met. The place is cute & cozy, in a good spot near campus, & it’s not horribly expensive. I’m so grateful to the people who are making it possible for me to move out. I can’t wait!

I’m glad summer’s coming to an end because summer has never really been my thing, anyway. Too much boredom, too little structure. I start Stater training tomorrow & it will be great to be with Elise & Jackie & Rachel, even if it’s for ridiculously long, predictably boring orientation sessions.

((()))

I’ve been assigned a story on President Lefton’s experiences with Hurricane Katrina while he lived in New Orleans & even though every story assignment terrifies me, I’m kind of excited about it. It’s always a relief to have something to throw yourself into.

Everything is sort of hazy right now.  Let’s be honest, I’ve spent most of today feeling like the world’s worst person. I’m going to go take a nap & hope I feel better when I wake up. Here’s hoping…

......

i feel like im watching a car crash

this is how it ends

“Pay attention to me; I don’t talk for my health.” –Nelly Furtado-

Wow, nothing like scandal & upheaval to make me glad I’m now a Flash rather than a Bobcat. Way to frickin’ go, Ohio University.

I slept through a doctor’s appointment today. It took me 2 weeks to schedule that damn appointment, because no one in the doctor’s office ever answers their damn phones, & now I have to try all over again.

((()))

I really, really hate the word “turd.” I mean, when people use that word, I just cringe & want to smack them. This is sort of a new revelation, but now that I’ve discovered it, I’m absolutely wallowing in hate for the word.

A gigantor spider has claimed a home the entire space at the foot of the stairs on my back porch. His massive web makes it nearly impossible to get down the steps, but I’m too chicken to destroy the web because the spider’s always chillin’ in the middle! GROSS.

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I move into my townhome sometime within the next two weeks. It’ll probably be a gradual process, since my mom & I have totally different schedules. When everything seems to be moved in, I’ll just start living there, whenever that may be. I’m excited. And NERVOUS.

PS, maybe I’m just a vicious person, but have you ever just wanted to tell someone to shut the hell up because no one really gives a damn about their life? I mean, really, I know you think you’re so happy & wonderful & in love, but I’m dying to tell you the truth: I think you’re a piece of shit.

<<<>>>

“I’m breaking ground for a new me, getting up from all these past catastrophes.” –Brandtson-

“When you gonna realize that you don’t even have to try any longer? Do what you want to.” –Corinne Bailey Rae-

Current top annoyances:

·   Magazine subscriptions running out

·   Obnoxiously sticky-sweet couples

·   Construction at the Stow-Kent Target

·   Buying fabric softener instead of detergent

·   My whole body hurting for no real reason

·   No one being able to go to a movie with me

·   Class scheduling conflicts

·   Britney Spears on the cover of People

·   Not going to Youngstown to visit Jason

·   Recalling “friends” who turned out to be major disappointments

<<<>>>

There are more, of course, & some are more annoying than others, but this is today’s list. Feel free to add your own.

But perhaps I should be positive, as well, yes? Here’s today’s list of top favorites:

·         Making a damn good black bean & corn soup

·         Quality bonding time with my mama

·         100-calorite packs of cheddar Sun Chips

·         Buying a pretty new comforter

·         My hair looking decently cute for once

·         Making Kevin happy via a meatloaf delivery

·         Gloomy, rainy weather (love it)

·         New episode of The 4400 tonight

·         Hopefully hanging out with Sam tonight

·         Being one step closer to my big surprise

“Oh, this is the start of something good. Don’t you agree?” –Gavin DeGraw-

Something massive this way comes… I don’t want to spoil the surprise for anyone (or spread the word & have my plans backfire!), so I’m keeping it to myself for now, but let me just say this: it’s something I’ve wanted for a long time now. Something BIG is happening for me! It’ll be finalized by the end of the week. And I know you’re absolutely dyyyying to know, but hold yer horses.

Also: Feel free to guess, which makes big news just that  much more exciting. Annnnd GO!

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